you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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