I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
