Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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