dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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