I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
