Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
