I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
