why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
