Jerry, you need to find god
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
