your thong is hanging out like whoa
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
