we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She needs sedatives and a leash
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
