I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
