Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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