Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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