I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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