Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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