Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
