I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
