you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
