I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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