We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
