We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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