Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
