hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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