Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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