I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
