Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
