How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
