Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
