i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's the barista slut.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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