end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is Oprah even human
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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