My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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