Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
