It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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