I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
