i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
