Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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