Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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