Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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