Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
