I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
