my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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