I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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