im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
