Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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