forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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