No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
