The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
