he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
