I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize