you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
