found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
