ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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