My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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