I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
