this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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