Only a mothe r could love this liver
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
