SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?