I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.