i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
