those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
