you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
