i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
