i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
