So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
