He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
