U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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