Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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