Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
