i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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