there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
