help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
