You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
