you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
