I must be too annoying 4 u.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm too high and old for this...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
