I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
