just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
