spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
