i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
