Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
