We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
