I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize