We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
